Marriage Should Be Forever

I was on my way to work today when they announced on the radio two new celebrity divorces.  One couple is getting a divorce after 3 years and another after 2 years.  When I hear about Hollywood divorces I have the fleeting thought, "why couldn't they work it out?"  But then I move on from there and don't think much more of it.  However, reading more about the churches stance on divorce and how much easier it is to obtain one, I find I have become more appalled by the short marriages. It was said of the 2 year marriage that the relationship has "run its course."  If a divorce wasn't so easy to obtain would the couple have gotten married in the first place?  It's as though people get married now with the thought in their head, "if it doesn't work out we'll just get a divorce and start over with someone else."  If divorce wasn't so easy to obtain how many of these couples would work with someone to try and resolve their problems?  How many of these people would never have gotten married in the first place if they couldn't just end a marriage because it had "run its course?"

I know there are some situations that may make a divorce necessary.  But the relationship has "run its course" does not seem to me a valid reason for ending a marriage.  Elder Dallin H Oaks gave a talk on Divorce in May 2007.  There are a couple of things he said in this talk that really stood out to me:

"The concept that society has a strong interest in preserving marriages for the common good as well as the good of the couple and their children has been replaced for many by the idea that marriage is only a private relationship between consenting adults, terminable at the will of either."

"The weakening of the concept that marriages are permanent and precious has far-reaching consequences. Influenced by their own parents’ divorce or by popular notions that marriage is a ball and chain that prevents personal fulfillment, some young people shun marriage. Many who marry withhold full commitment, poised to flee at the first serious challenge."

We should take these things to heart.  Marriage should not be a fleeting thing, it should not be something we get into until it has "run its course."  it is a commitment between you, your spouse, and God.  And if you do it right, seek help and guidance when things get rough, if you both remain honest and uplifting to one another, if you both repent when needed, and stay worthy of the temple blessings then the course your relationship runs will be an eternal course.  And I think if you love someone enough to marry them, to have children with them, and to want to spend the rest of your life with them, shouldn't you love them enough to want to be with them for eternity too?

Lessons I've learned

Over the past few weeks I've been learning more about The Family: A Proclamation to the World.

There were always things that I was on the fence about, and somethings I still am.  But reading different talks from the Apostles has really helped me to think more clearly on some subjects.  Two things that have stood out to me the most so far are, who the proclamation was meant for and how important gender roles are.

Firstly, this was not meant just for the members of the church.  The Lord means for all his words to apply to all the world.  That would be like saying that the commandments are only meant for this who believe in God.  But just because you don't believe in something, doesn't mean it's not true.  Just because everybody thought the world was flat doesn't mean it really wasn't.  Just because people don't believe in the Book of Mormon or modern day prophets does not mean this isn't the truth.

Second, men and women were created equal, but we each have our specific roles.  There are things only women will ever be able to do (like giving birth) and things only men are meant to do.  Without our specific roles in a relationship life would be chaos.  I have nothing against a woman having a career, or even earning more money than her husband.  However, I do believe the most important role a woman can ever have is that of mother.  There are things that children should be learning from their mothers.  There are things children should be learning from their  mothers, such as compassion and care taking.  These are skills every child should learn.  Yes men are compassionate, and yes they can be caretakers.  But these are skills that come more naturally to women, therefore it may be easier for women to teach these skills to their children.  Men can teach their children to be protectors.  Protectors of beliefs, of virtue, and of family.

In a talk given by Elder David A Bednar (Marriage is Essential to His Eternal Plan) he specifically says "Children are entitled to birth within the bonds of matrimony, and to be reared by a father and a mother who honor marital vows with complete fidelity"  They are entitled, not that having a mother and father are a privilege for a special few.  But that each and every child born is entitled to a mother and father.  There are always special circumstances.  A spouse passes away, or one spouse leaves.  But that does not mean the children are not still entitled to the opportunity to have the influence of both a mother and a father.  The reason they are entitled to both is because each parent offers their own special skills and talents to raising children.  And some of those talents are unique to each gender.  As Elder Bednar puts it, "Because of their distinctive temperaments and capacities, males and females each bring to a marriage relationship unique perspectives and experiences."